Lets talk about the F-word

F-E-A-R…..FEAR.

I have been struggling with fear my entire life and in all areas of my life. I have always let it control my thoughts, actions, and every choice I have made. It is always in the back of my head, “What if this happens? What if I can’t do it? What if? What if?”
the constant question of “what if” haunts me
The anxiety and anticipation is always far worse than the actual event I fear. I find myself saying, “Why did I get so worked up yet again”, but each time I repeat the same action, and automatically act and think from fear. I have realized my fears have only gotten worse the older I get and especially bad after having kids.

I was scared to go to college thinking I would fail, I was scared to get married thinking it would end in divorce since I come from a divorced household. I feared having kids and feared being solely responsible for these little humans that would eventually be grownups in society. I fear I will let down my children and not be everything they need. I fear I won’t raise them right. I fear they will hate me, and let’s be honest, I’m sure they will at some point in their life.

That’s normal right? For years I let the fear completely control me
I surrendered to it, I gave up. I never let anyone get too close, never took on any new challenges, I figured I couldn’t fail if I don’t do anything new. I have a very good understanding and knowledge of the consequences of letting fear control my life. I still today struggle with it, although I have gotten much better at talking myself off the ‘fear ledge’, it still creeps up in the back of my mind from time to time.

I had two choices, I could either hand my life over to fear or I could say enough was enough and have faith in myself to make a positive change. Once I made that choice something amazing happened. I was flooded with all these opportunities, I was challenging myself, and exceeding my own expectations and limits. I fought through the personal self-doubt and just gave it all I had.

I went to school, got my cosmetology license and graduated with honors! I opened up my heart and met my husband. I started letting people get close to me and met some truly amazing and inspiring people. I stopped saying NO and started saying YES to life and living it. I chose to live, not live in fear of the the past.

Our past helps mold us into who we are today and who we will become but it does not define us. We must embrace it, accept it, learn from it and let it go. Failure is how we learn, mistakes are how great people are made. I wasted so many years of my early adult life worrying about failing, and thinking I wasn’t enough. I let my FEAR be bigger than my FAITH. You have to breakdown to breakthrough, and sometimes you need to fail in order to learn how to fight.

When I look back at the “failures” in my life I now realize that they were truly blessings in disguise that shaped my future. Where there is a will there is a way. Never give up, and never take no for an answer. When one door closes another one opens, and if it doesn’t, then you search high and low for a window.

Sometimes what you view as a failure turns out to be a detour to an even greater success. In my years of trial and error I have found some ways that helped me overcome the fear that I would like to share with you.
three tips to overcoming fear….

#1 talk out loud to yourself, or if you’re religious pray out loud
For example, when I would feel the fear creeping up and I was starting to doubt my decision I would literally say out loud, “Come on Courtney pull it together, you can do this, just breathe.” It truly helps.

#2 tell yourself it’s okay to be scared
There is a difference between being scared or nervous and having fear. A certain level of feeling scared is normal, it means you’re emotionally invested and you care about whatever it is that has you feeling scared. Don’t confuse the fear with being scared or nervous and know that it’s okay to be scared.

#3 have no regrets
You never know until you try. The fear you will have, when you look back and regret something you never even tried because of the fear you had at the time, will be far worse. Time is precious, we cannot change the past but we can learn from it and change our future.

The world is a scary place and also quite beautiful at the same time. Taking the first step is always the hardest and sometimes it’s a blind leap. Only with faith can we walk into the dark and see the light.

-C